Look Again

I recently, bumped into an old acquaintance.  While chatting briefly, I mentioned that I had met an awesome woman and we had fallen in love and were going to be married.  After expressing congratulations to me … he went on to share that he had recently, ended a two year relationship that he had been certain would have lead to marriage.

As he shared why he had ended his relationship … I began to recall a Seinfeld episode where George had gotten engaged.

 

George: So, what’s going on with you and Melanie?

Jerry: … actually, we kind of broke up.

George: You what?

Jerry: Well, you know, we were having dinner the other night, and she’s got the strangest habit.  She eats her peas, one at a time.  You’ve never seen anything like it.  It takes her an hour to finish them.  I mean, we’ve had dinner other times.  I’ve seen her eat corn niblets.  But she scooped them.

George: … she scooped her niblets?

Jerry: Yes.  That’s what was so vexing.

The reasons my friend had ended his relationship seemed to be basically the equivalent of not liking the way his girlfriend had eaten peas.  I’m sure there were issues that were more substantial than this but I couldn’t help thinking they were very probably his issues more than hers.

As I thought about this later, I began to reflect on the last few years — where I have thought, discussed, written, and read more about relationships than ever before.  It was during this time that my own marriage had come undone, after many years of struggle.  This found me in areas I had never dreamed of being – single-parent-this … single-parent-that.  All with requisite explorations of “what-went-wrong” dialog and capped with exchanges on “how to prevent these mishaps in future relationships.”  I encountered many single men and women.  In doing so … I encountered a sea of imperfect personalities seeking perfect ones.  I’ve touched on this before, as I contemplated the many “lists” that single adults compile to ensure that only solid candidates get relational consideration.  It still fascinates me how so many (seemingly most) people can find a litany of issues in a prospective partner … while being virtually oblivious to their own dysfunction and shortcomings.  I have had countless conversations about dating and marriage where others have shared criteria they require in a potential mate that was so stringent and specific that there might be [literally] a handful of people (ever) to match it.  We’ll hope these few potential candidates don’t have similar lists that would prevent reciprocated interest.  :-) 

Meanwhile … I also see … in this same sea … these same souls surrounded by potential relational blessing and happiness; but won’t allow for the possibility of modification to their own ‘lists’; or … for God to modify their own hearts such that they might begin to see an ocean of relational opportunities before them.

I am not naïve to the dynamics of romantic relationships.  I all-too-painfully understand how important it is that certain ‘connections’ be present to allow for the comfort of romance to blossom.  I am by no means saying, “anyone will do for everyone”.  I am instead saying, … many are available to have wondrous relationship with … if we are willing to simply, look again … and see them, in a different perspective.  That being … what and who are they, at their foundation.

As opposed to looking for that perfect fit that meets some relational algorithm … look to see the person for the substance they possess.  It isn’t the “soul mate” you’re looking for that is going to bring relational bliss.  It is the person you hold certain attractions for … that also, possesses a genuine appetite for growth in God and a real capacity for love that stands to be the soul you can genuinely be intertwined with as you are both lead by God, in growing in Him … together.

To find a soul willing to compromise … willing to put others first, at times … willing to genuinely try … and completely submitted to growing in God; these are traits in others that can fill our lives with love and not the fact that they also, are crazy about old B&W movies.  If we are waiting for that one and only that God has just for us … we will wait forever.  They don’t exist.  God rarely works this way.  He also, isn’t going to make us love anyone … nor is He going to make another love us.

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) – “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”

God is not “preparing” a partner, just for us.  He is however, moving in the lives of many … and will move in our lives, also … determining our steps and theirs, as we make and move on our plans … so as to bring us into proximity with certain others that we can build, through His guidance, … awesome and fulfilling relationships.  There are those in which we can have wonderful relationship with if we can see them apart from our “criteria of compatibility”.  If we can stop seeing prospective partners as only imperfect and lacking.  If we can look again and see them for the promise they hold, as imperfect though substantial people.  We may then begin to see other souls that we are not only attracted to … but that stand to offer much in the way of deeply fulfilling love through relationship.  Much that we desire … and much that we prayerfully desire to give, in return.

The trick is to look again through the eyes of the One we claim to follow.  To look again, through the filtered view of He who created relationship — and see what He might have us see, in others.