The older I get, the more aware I become of the generational dividers. Those period references that you take for granted, as being understood by everyone until you make some comment in a conversation about a celebrity being as popular as the Beatles (or perhaps the “Rat Patrol”) and they respond with … “who”?
I’m afraid I’ve become jaded and cynical, in certain areas over the years. One of these areas is in the realm of relationships of accountability, sharing, and growth among Christian men. I have seen many efforts start and all stop concerning these types of groups. All people (men & women) are unique, having respective characteristics that give them their independent ’signature’ of existence. With that said … there is still a collective dynamic that identifies groups across genders, nationalities, ethnicities, economic status, … families … etc. Men, love schedules. Men love itineraries. Men love a plan. Men love “the bottom line.” Men love workbooks that offer the semblance of structured progress; that they can subsequently ignore and leave at home, as they participate in approximately one third of the scheduled whole of any given study group, etc.
Men love the idea of going to war for what is important … but insist upon a solid start and stop point; and don’t want it to take up too much time, overall. I can say, that in many respects, men are extremely annoying. I can say this with authority … because I am one. We can often miss the beauty and majesty of the Grand Canyon while being preoccupied with trying to plan the best route out of the park, in our minds … focusing on hitting that certain gas station we saw 2 days earlier that was selling gas for 8 cents per gallon less than any other station we had seen, in the area. It is both sad and bizarre.
I have recently encountered 3 male members of the human species that have me vexed. Breaking with all common male traits … these men are invested in a committed relationship of accountability, sharing, and growth with each other. Every mention of things like workbooks has been met with [wonderful] hostility, by each of them. Also, causing great consternation is the fact that they are never in a hurry to “wrap things up”. And these men are family men who have a million things demanding their attention, at any moment of the day. Completely unnerving also, is the fact that they are willing to engage in open, honest exchange about the issues in their lives with the primary goal always being … to grow closer to God.
I have desired to meet and interact with men like this for many years. I have sought men like this through every offering of fellowship encountered – from trying to grow one-on-one relationships to “Promise Keepers”. Sadly, in the end they all dissolved. Not closed or finished, by reaching a natural termination point but instead simply, withered and died due to lack of interest. So … I was immensely skeptical about this particular effort going anywhere when our church elected to start them. The effort was based on the premise of small groups of individuals, coming together regularly to dig into and share the substantial areas of their lives, in order that they would grow, in God.
Thus, they were dubbed “Growth Groups”; or “G Groups”. Our church has had a season or two of another flavor of this dynamic called “Contact Groups” (C grps) based on the belief this is the heart of the church. People coming together, as families and friends … and sharing as brothers and sisters; to help and bless one another, as they grow in God. Involving men and women (& possibly younger folks) meant sharing on certain issues was limited. C groups are a great idea and we still have them. G groups were meant to facilitate going deeper in sharing those things not possible in larger, more diverse groups. C groups are a “safe place” for people / families / couples to share with others some of the issues they face. G groups are same sex groups meant to be a “safe place” where the participants can pour it all; knowing they will be received, accepted, and above all loved.
I understand it can be hard for anyone to share on this level. I comfortably state it is especially hard for most men. Society has long communicated to men since we took our first breath that we must have all the answers, at all times. We are allowed no weaknesses. Men measure each other cloaked in conversations about professions, education, titles, investments, affiliations. Yes, I am aware that women do similar … it is not the same. You should see 30,000 men at a conference. You have never heard more conversations involving logistics, planning, and strategy … just to get good seating, reach a conference rally point (lunch) … or exit a parking lot, in a timely manner.
I’ll be the first to say, I have immense expectations of men at particular times. While I was in the army (7 years), the primary lesson that permeates every aspect of a soldier’s life is the fact that they must be prepared to give all to accomplish the mission; even unto death. You cannot give any more than “all”. Death … is “all”. I would prefer to go into combat, against any force alone … as opposed to going into combat with a man unprepared to die. That man has misgivings. That man will second guess the obvious. That man will hesitate based on fear and leave you hanging when you need him most. Sadly, this expectation is held of men, in many ways by many people most of the time. The idea that life itself is combat, in some respect and we must be prepared to give our all. I have this same view, in many respects; what is sad … is that since, many see men as ’soldiers’ in life … then these same men aren’t allowed to be “human”, in many ways. They aren’t allowed to appear possessing weakness … or in need without it being communicated to them that they are less of a man … for being only a man. Modern culture would argue that this is no longer so. That much understanding has been gained over the last few decades as society has grown to be more understanding, patient, and kind in encouraging men to be more transparent, vulnerable, and open. There have indeed been many cultural shifts in the last few decades growing terms like “stay-at-home-dads”; and yet, I still comfortably assert that the expectations of men have remained constant. I believe this is so because … it should be. I believe we have an innate understanding that God holds men responsible before the rest of humanity. God did not appoint men, as the priests of their homes that they should feel ’swell’ about themselves. These aren’t manmade offices of responsibility whereby the “good-ol-boy” network gets their buddy a cushy job requiring nothing but allowing for the opportunity to boss others around. This is the author of responsibility saying, to men … I hold you responsible for the state of affairs, first. Yep, all are ultimately accountable … but men will be held accountable first.
Thankfully, God does not share society’s dysfunction regarding the expectation of men. God does not see men, as weak because they are weak. Or better … God does not see men as incompetent … because they are fragile. God wants men to understand they are weak and each in desperate need of relationship with Him; as He is our great equalizer. In Him … our weakness is made strong. By realizing our own fallibility and how much we need Him … we are only then able to become fully … the men He created us to be.
Back to these 3 men that have me perplexed. These men seem to get it. They are imperfect … do not have all the answers (or even many of the questions) all the time … and embrace fully this fact, seeking God to make them strong in their weakness. These are definitely men I would go into battle with. These are men desiring and seeking God to be men of character and integrity. These are men that seek to drink in the “all” of what God has for them. These are men I would visit the Grand Canyon with. 
When I was a kid, I used to watch old re-runs of a black-&-white series called, “The Untouchables.” It starred Robert Stack, as Elliot Ness, the famous Federal agent that stood up to Al Capone in the wild west lawlessness, that was Chicago’s crime world during prohibition. Federal agents were often simply, referred to as “G-Men”, in those days, for being government agents. There was so much corruption among city officials and local law enforcement, that Elliot Ness selected a few men to create a special task force for addressing the crime activity. He hand selected these men after going through every applicant’s personnel file. They had to be of the highest caliber. Men of character and integrity.
This is my “G Group” … and these are my “G Men”. Godly men … given to the simple and eternal goal of growing in God through basic obedience to God’s Word. They extend to me a safe place; where I can share my struggles and difficulties … and feel, in-no-way less of a man. On the contrary … I have not left the presence of any of these gentlemen, once … ever … where I didn’t feel more encouraged, focused, and more prepared to face adversity. I have been blessed beyond words by their presence and I selfishly hope they are part of my life, as long as I draw breath. My prayer is that more men would find this place, in their lives. The catch is that they must find other men who are willing. That is a very rare man. I found 3 of them.
